Lying

"Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my soul for you to keep."

I never prayed like this. I remember the first time I heard someone say it was in the hallway of the Carrier Mills First Baptist Church just outside of the nursery. I thought about how I prayed.

Once in some bible class, I remember being told that I had to list each thing separately to thank God for all of them(This could have been imagined or misheard by my five year old mind). So my prayers I said when I crawled under covers at night sounded more like this:

Dear God, up above in heaven, 

thank you for mom and dad

 and neil and whisker and 

grady and food and 

our house and 

my friends…

I would sometimes list all of my family, but it was only usually on holidays or birthdays, while I had them all fresh behind my face and bundled as important in my brain. Next came my animals, yeah they are that important. Then came food, I always pictured a salad for some reason, and home. I would list things important to me that day.

I have to be cold to sleep, I feel more secure, I suffocate in heat.  Usually I don’t pray before I go to sleep now, but that doesn’t mean anything. I talk to someone, it is probably God. Only not all bearded and white, I like to imagine Whoopi Goldberg as what God would look like. How can one not love Whoopi?

It should be raining

You are lying on your stomach on a small table

Unable to move

Meanwhile I am leaving class to check my messages, walking to my car in the smirking sunshine

All the while thinking it should be raining

I don’t know why

I just think it would make me feel better

I wore black today

To mock the sun

I should have worn your or her favorite colors

I’m only scared when I think about it

I’ve got my lists made to keep me busy

All day and all night until you call

I’ll make something because it’s safe

I’ll do all the things I shouldn’t

I’ll do all the things I should

I realize things and create

Still I will have to lay down at night or early morning

And wonder if everything will ever dawn on us

All day we took memories from the surrounding areas

Sunlight or flash making us beautiful

Or hideous beasts worthy of villainy

That is what the garbage is for

Moving and unmoving

Ready slash candid

Blurry maybe lifelike

When the sunset, I saw the cityscape on the horizon
and far out the window of the ungilded palace.

At least at a palace you’ll be protected.

The dim slipped in and we slipped out
to begin the last legs of our adventure.

Frantically searching for the filmless machines,
it never dawns on me that it’s dark.

Finding them at the bottom of the pit,
and thank God for the ropes attached to them, found.

The pyramid steps lead us up a magical mountain
with a waiting monument atop it.

In the daylight its different, everything’s different, always.

It’s not day, its dark, but not scary.

One of us lays upon the pebble soaked concrete,
and the other falls into the fold after the first

I stand for a moment, then I too put my knees on the ground,

swing my legs out from under me and end up sitting

Slowly feeling the coldish stones beneath my palms I lean my
head and body back on to the ground

I felt the earth shake, yes of course it was unnatural.

A train beneath the streets ferrying lost souls
back and forth from land to land.

As people walked near I heard their steps, their stories,

my hands still outstretched at my sides,

I look towards the sky.

Above me is a smoggy sea of stars,     
                           
                                                     I want to be happy,

but its hard to be happy in a smoggy sea of stars.

I think over it all, how things work, all questions.

I like lying on my back looking up, I still see
the two figures at my sides.

I think of figures, how many actually lay
by my sides in some way.

There are so many of us and we’re all looking up
at the same stars smoggy or not and

I bet Whoopi is watching out

for all of us.