Taking Names and Killing Snakes

I am about to describe this event as it happens.

My Mom and Dad are currently trying to kill a snake, I am watching from the island bar in our kitchen, my little brother and his friend are playing magic cards behind me in the dining room, and the cats are chasing bugs and watching from the window too.

Now Neil is going to scare Mom, I am still on snake watch.

Let me describe the earlier events while nothing exciting is happening.

It's Mother's Day and I am home until Tuesday. Mom bought a bunch of flowers, seeds and ferns and she was showing them to me. After we toured the gardens, we sat on our back porch and admired our land  and the nice weather and planned for our gardening tomorrow. The dogs sat at our feet and our cats occasionally paid attention to us. Dad came outside for a while. Now I don't even remember what we were talking about, but I got distracted by something moving on the upper corner of our back porch and I thought that looks like a snake! And it was a snake! So I yelled SNAKE! And we ran to the door! Which was locked! So we beat on it and yelled for Neil and Dad and Neil's friend Ian! Finally Neil answers the door and says "Is there a snake?" To which we reply yes!

Well the snake is dead now, after an epic battle, which I will now describe.

After sitting inside and starting this blog and exchanging witty snake killing banter with my family inside and through the glass, this is how the death happened.

We have had snakes get up under the roof of our back porch before (and we killed them too) so we knew how this was about to go down. Mom sprayed bleach and water and Dad sprayed wasp spray into the lip of our porch, and then we wait, well they wait and I typed that first big paragraph. So we wait and spray more water and bleach and then the snake starts to slither down the square pole that holds up our porch. Since the pole is square the snake falls about halfway down, stupid idiot snake, then Mom comes after it with a shovel. She strikes it and keeps coming back up and then Dad comes to help and Mom yells "Get the pruners and cut its head off! He is slippery and I need help!" Dad instead of getting the pruners grabs a sponge mop that we happen to have laying outside (we are classy like that, actually I bet Mom used it to wash the side of the house.) I guess the sponge mop could have absorbed some of the slippery off the snake? The snake moves back to the porch from the rocks it had been in and mom keeps swinging the shovel and the snake keeps striking up to bite. Finally after numerous blows Mom finally severs the evil snake being and then my parents bash it a few more times just to be safe. Moments after the snakes death, Neil arrives with a rake. I sat and watched the carnage happen from the safety of my tall kitchen chair.

Now we must decide what to do with the snake, Dad says throw it in the fence row, but Mom decided to burn it.

Dad said I should have videoed the killing, but I said it was really violent and I don't particularly like to video violence, unless it is well acted or between stuffed animals.

We decided this was our stance against snakes on out property "We see you, we find you, we kill you."

I have never killed a snake, I prefer to run into my parents arms screaming and begging for them to kill the evil thing with no arms. I don't think I could kill a snake unless it was a life or death situation, I would be too scared or feel bad after, even though the things terrify me.

After witnessing my parents and my brother with their tools and in action, I think my family will be fine if there is ever a zombie invasion and that is what really matters.

Happy Mother's Day! I am going to do laundry now.